I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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