take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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