The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
