Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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