He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
