We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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