You work out of a Hotel?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
