I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we made out on top of his cat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
