I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
