i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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