do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
