my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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