Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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