is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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