Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
