i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
