I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
