Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
