apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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