why didn't you poke me back
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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