The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My feet surprised me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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