What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
