margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
