All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
