You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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