Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
