i think my tv is drunk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
