he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
bring money and cleavage
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
