you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
