I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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