quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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