He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
