I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
