Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
