There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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