Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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