he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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