My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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