Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
