I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
