he was CRYING into my vagina
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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