i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
