I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
