I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
