Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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