we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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