Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
