we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize