dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
