he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
