life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize