Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
