eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bring me that man meat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
