I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
