Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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