I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
