still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize