I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
