Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
