I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize