I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
