i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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