talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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