you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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