It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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