i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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