I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You smell like stripper and shame
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
