This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
