dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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